As soon as I announced I was pregnant, we did get a lot of surprised and shocked faces, some said “Dannii that’s amazing you’ll be a great mum” others said “You? The one who loves to socialise is actually going to settle down!” or “Do you think you’re ready?” But I knew what we wanted and we wanted to have this miracle and start our journey to family life together.
It was exciting watching people’s reactions to our news. Sam couldn’t contain his excitement as soon as I found out, straight on the phone to his mum and told his mate, my best mate Beth was the first to know (she was there when I found out the news), then my mum, then gradually the rest of our families before we decided to tell our friends and announce to everyone else.
Then the real fun started, all of a sudden the most outrageous things friends would say to me, that I thought were only rumours started to come out. Some really insensitive and other times really bizarre. Without a doubt it has been done plenty of times before and it’s probably very common but some comments should be kept quiet! Now everyone has a view about something when you’re pregnant, whether you should find out the sex of the baby at the 20-week scan, what colour you should decorate the nursery or what size babygro’s you should buy and everyone had an opinion about something.
I’m already sensitive with my hormones, Christ I cried when the hot water went cold for 2 seconds in the shower the other day and when I forgot to put the kettle on to make a cuppa, but first time mum’s should be given heads up about how brutal some mum’s can be with their words of advice.
One friend said to a few of my friends as if I wasn’t in the room a few months ago, “Dannii doesn’t know anything about having a baby, if we all give her tips she’ll listen and raise it better.” People are not discreet when discussing your pregnancy, they will honestly say whatever and I mean whatever is on their minds.
Most annoying things I’ve heard about pregnancy
“Don’t breastfeed, honestly, your boobs will shrink and it hurts so stick to bottle, it’s so much easier”
This is one of the first things I heard when I first shared the news, but something one particular friend insisted on letting me know her thoughts loudly and very clearly about. I’ve always thought that if I do ever have children I’d love to breastfeed, but I know some women struggle when their baby comes along and find not being able to do so very distressing. According to NHS Choices, in the UK, more than 73% of mothers start breastfeeding and there are plenty of reasons why it’s good for your baby, but choosing whether you want to or don’t want to may or may not be your decision when your baby arrives. But listen to yourself and what your midwife says, only you know what’s best.
Terrible morning sickness definitely means you’re having a girl but if you throw up more in the morning it means you’re having a boy
To those of you who never had it, a word of warning, don’t tell pregnant woman to ’embrace it’ or how amazing it was for you not to have it, because it really is awful, really really shitty. Many women want to relate their morning sickness to the gender of the baby and that’s also backed up by what friend’s say too. But the thing is, no one knows, two of my friends had terrible morning sickness but both of them had a baby of the opposite sex. Nothing about morning sickness is fun. You turn into some kind of greyhound and can smell stuff from a mile away, the slightest thing can make you want to barf and it’s horrible. To top it off it can strike at any given moment, lasts a long time and can happen over a few hours or a 24 hour period every single day.
According to The NY Times ‘A number of large studies in various countries have examined the claim, and almost all have found it to be true, with caveats. Specifically, studies have found that it applies to women with morning sickness in the first trimester, and with symptoms so severe that it leads to hospitalization, a condition known as hyperemesis gravidarum.’ You can never know what it’s linked most to, as everyone experience their pregnancies differently.
Your bump is a little low, means you’re having a boy
According to the Old Wives tales, if you’re carrying your bump high and wide, you’re having a girl, but scientifically this is only right 50% of the time. So really no one actually knows. According to Health at How Stuff Works, ‘High and low are about the position of the uterus. “Carrying high” means the most protruding part of a pregnant belly (the “bump”) is high on a woman’s abdomen, sometimes right up under her breasts. If a woman is “carrying low,” the giant mound of baby is closer to the pelvis. “Wide” or “narrow” refers to the shape of the uterus — entirely out front (narrow) or also to the sides (wide). No one really knows until the 20 week scan what gender you’re having, but it you want to have a read of some of the other ways to ‘predict’ what sex the baby is, check out The Telegraph or the wackiest old wive’s tales.
You don’t look pregnant from behind
Ok, thanks? For some reason, I’ve only gained weight on my bump and my boobs (much to the delight of Sam) but devastatingly I’ve not gained one inch of anything on my ass. Is it a compliment to tell a pregnant woman that they don’t look pregnant from behind or is that a polite way of saying you look like a walrus at the front? Whichever way, some take offensive, so be careful.
Are you sure you’re not having twins?
This was one of the first things my mum asked when discussing my pregnancy. My sister was tiny when she was pregnant, lucky even that she didn’t have a hint of a bump for the first 5 months, she just had my niece in there, she didn’t put any weight on and still could walk around in her size 8 leggings, size 8 everything. When she came out of the hospital she looked great and no sign of a tummy whatsoever!
I’m sure I’m not having twins, for the 50th time, I’d think I’d know if I was. “But it’s just that you are…” No, stop telling me how you think it is, because it’s not, but if I find out that I am having twins, by Jo you will find out, alrighty then. I’m tall, 5″9 so taking height into consideration and the fact I was a little underweight when I found out I was pregnant, then adding to the fact I lost a lot of weight when I had 3 months of hell-on-earth morning sickness, the weight I’ve gained is right for my height. I’ve asked, double and triple checked with my midwife and doctor that I am the right weight, BMI and size for my baby, that’s all I need to worry about.
As soon as you have your baby we’ll be right on over
No, no you will not. After however long I spend in that delivery room, once my baby is here, there is no way on earth I’m having every Tom, Dick and Harriet coming to our house to shower me with love, gifts and attention. Don’t take offence when I say FUCK OFF, the only thing I want nothing more once I get home is to have a few days with Sam and our little girl. Then and only then can the charades happen, but only when we say so, not the other way round.
“I’ve got a pram you can buy, oh oh and all of [insert baby’s name] bottles you can have, don’t spend money, save by buying with me!”
Thanks for the offer but this being my first pregnancy, we really want to buy certain things brand new. It may be costly and it may mean forgetting about going out for the summer but the pram, cot, travel cot, car seat, bottles and other things will be brand new.
“Have a water birth”
Last time I checked, where I’m having my baby should be decided between Sam and I. I appreciate your advice but stop shoving it down my throat about how I should do things and we really really don’t need to see close up pictures of your vagina and your cute bundle of joy coming out, let’s not scare Sam and I, keep your thoughts to yourself about that.
You just wait until….
As soon as we found out we were having a girl, I excitedly told my mum and family. Sam told his mum then told his mates who have girls and he’s having a bit of a slow realisation that the reality of having a girl is terrifying. So much so, he’s told everyone then been quick to follow it up with “She’s not going out till she’s 35” not realising that she’ll just probably do what the hell she wants when the time comes, but I’ll let him keep telling himself that if it makes him feel better!
I can’t wait for her first cry, first steps, first words and more. I’m terrified of a lot of things but that happens with any parent and those who say they’re not scared to your face, are hiding it really well.
For all those mums-to-be out there, do what you feel is right. You’ve heard the saying Mother knows best, how do you think the saying came about. Only you know what works for you and your baby. You will have family and friends who will chip in and say what they feel is right from past experiences, best thing to do is take their advice but adapt. You will know what’s right for your child when the time comes.
Anything I’ve missed out? Please do message me!
3 Comments Add yours
LOVE this post. Especially: a) “embrace it” (yes, I’m embracing this diarrhea I have been dealing with 4X a day for the past 2 weeks, it’s part of my “glow”, and b) the “you just wait until” babbling that goes on that I’ve pretty much tuned out. As if giving birth suddenly makes you the All Knowing Expert on Parenting. Oy! I love reading blogs but geez, there are a few that venture into condescension-land that I definitely avoid 🙂
There’s a special kind of hell added to this for folks in my situation who are pregnant after multiple fails with IVF (our 4th DEIVF finally worked – so far, as we’re at ~7 weeks), where people add things like “Oh now I bet once you have this baby you’ll get pregnant right away!” Because suddenly pregnancy will make my ovaries start producing eggs out of the blue, riiiiiight.
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Hiya, thanks so much for reading my post and for commenting, I really appreciate it. Happy that my post rings true with you – I’m not alone in all of this! Congratulations on the pregnancy, wishing you lots of love for you, your baby and family for the future xx
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