Things you should never say to a new mother 

Expecting another? So soon.”

Thanks for that dumbass, but the tummy you’re pointing to carried a life not so long ago and that ‘bump’ you so rudely pointed to, takes a while to disappear. 

“I got back into my size 8’s within a month.”

Good for you, want a medal for it? 

“Don’t worry, my cold is nearly gone.”

Thanks, that’s reassuring. Now my baby is exposed to your cold and might get sick. Thanks for that. 

“Give her to me, that’s not how you hold/feed a baby.” 

Oh do please f*ck off. I’m not a moron I know how to feed and hold my baby. 

“Wow, she looks nothing like you.” 

“Must be nice to be at home all day.”

Yes I just sit at home all day and do nothing. That’s exactly what it takes to be a mum. You do nothing, want everything. Being a parent is super easy. 

“So When Are You Going to Start Thinking About Number Two?”

Erm, currently the thought of having another, although a possibility in the future, is so far off my mind I haven’t thought about it. Why? Well, I had a difficult pregnancy, labour was hard work and right now one baby is enough for me. Can’t I enjoy my baby without planning when I’m going to have another? 

“You look so tired.”

Erm, thanks. Is that a nicer way of saying I look like death? You would look and feel exhausted if you had to look after a newborn. It’s tiring and stressful and getting them down to sleep for longer than an hour here and there sure takes some commitment. 

‘Wait until they’re a toddler/pre-teen/teenager!’ 

OK, why are you telling me that? I was a teenager once. I know how much of a pain in the ass I was at some point of my childhood. Being a parent is no easy task. 

‘My babies….’ 

Sleep all night? Breastfeed on gold? Stand on their heads? Your baby is different to mine same as every other child, your baby isn’t more superior to my child because you don’t remember the early months stage. 

‘Are you sleeping when Emily does? You know how important it is to sleep.’ 

After weeks of trying to establish a routine and kind of getting one in place that Emily doesn’t want to be part of most days, plus trying to do washing, cleaning, making myself look half decent and whatever else, trying to sleep around my child as a new mother is difficult! 

‘It gets better as time goes on.’ 

I know and I’m not sure if you know but I can’t wait. I can’t believe time is flying and every day is a new adventure with my baby. 

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